What You've Got
by ThnksFrThMmrs87
Summary: You never know what you've got when it's right in front of you, and by the time you realize it may be too late.
1. Chapter 1

Note From The Author-- Sometimes I need NY Therapy, and when I need NY therapy, I often find myself watching All Access. There's that absolutely beautiful moment between Stella and Flack at the end that I just can't resist. For some completely unknown reason, this popped into my head while watching that episode. Its shaping up to be a two or three shot, and I certainly hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer-- I don't own the characters. Damn

When you were a cop you had good days and bad, just like everyone else. Thing is, as a cop good and bad days are often magnified by about a million times. A good day for a cop could consist of helping a family make it through or catching a rapist or murderer; a bad day could mean finding a body or telling a family their loved one is never coming home.

Being that everything is magnified, personal lives bleed easily into work lives and vice versa; and that bleeding can either brighten a day or make it infinitely worse. Don Flack figured he'd probably had one of the worst days known to mankind, with the personal bleeding into professional so severely he could hardly see anymore. When you found the body of a six year old, had to tell her mother that her little girl was never coming home, then got shot down by the colleague you'd been sleeping with all in one day, it tended to make you contemplate never leaving the house again.

As he locked up his memo book and got ready to head home, he felt the migraine that had been battering at him all day rise to a crescendo. Rubbing at his temples he stood and slung his jacket over his shoulder.

"You doing okay Don?" Jessica Angell's voice was soft when she spoke.

He turned to her with a sad smile. "I've got the headache from hell, but I'm fine Jess."

"It was a rough day for you," she said sadly.

"Yeah, it was; in more ways than one." His eyes were more than a little bit haunted when he said it. "But I'll be just fine."

There was no way in hell she was going to believe him, not with that look in his eyes; but she let it go. "You need a friend you know where to find me."

Flack nodded. "I do." He leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. "Thanks Jess."

Angell watched him go; knowing there had to be something more going on with him. That look had been more than a dead kid and grieving parents. Buried in there beneath the horror and regret was pure and simple heartache, and it didn't take her long to decide that she was going to find out what happened. As she left the station she decided that a pizza and a six pack were the perfect offerings. She could only hope that they'd be accepted.

It was past ten when the doorbell rang; an hour at which Don was unaccustomed to having visitors. So with a worry that it may be something important and a sigh, he made his way to the door. When he opened it to find Angell standing there in jeans and a sweatshirt with a pizza in one hand and a six pack of beer in the other he wasn't sure whether he was happy to see her or not.

"I know you said you'd call if you needed a friend," she opened. "But I'm a pretty perceptive girl, and it seemed to me that you needed one without even knowing it."

The smile came of its own volition, and he let her in without another thought. "You bring me a decent pizza?" he questioned lightheartedly.

"Well that entirely depends on your definition of decent." Jess set the box down on the counter, sliding into one of the high bar stools that sat in front of his counter. "My half is a masterpiece that would make the angels weep. Your half's got all the other crap you like on it."

Flack laughed for the first time that day, and he realized then that Angell was right; he did need a friend. "Well at least half of its edible then," he ribbed.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they each took a slice and he opened beers for both of them. As they ate Jess couldn't help but take him in. At first glance he looked perfectly fine, but on closer inspection it was easier to note that the ever present light in those baby blues of his was gone; and the fact that even in his most comfortable sweats at home with a beer, he was clearly fraught with tension set off the warning signals.

"So, you want to tell me what's going on?" she asked.

Don shrugged. "Pretty straightforward. I had to look at a twenty-six year old woman today and tell her that we'd found her little girl dead in a gutter in her My Little Pony PJs; the same little girl who's probably dead right now because her recovering alcoholic father fell off the wagon and left her alone to go to the liquor store while her mother was out of town."

"It's never easy Don."

"No, it's not. But it makes it worse when the most positive thing you can tell someone is that their six year old wasn't molested before she suffocated."

Angell set her slice down and shook her head. "We do the job every day Don, because we can make the world just a little bit better. That little girl won't be coming home to her mother, but you will catch the bastard who killed her and make him answer for it."

He nodded. "You know that and I know that, but it never makes it any easier."

"I know there's something else Don," Jess told him. "If you don't want to talk about it that's fine, but it seems like you could use someone to listen, and since I'm already here…" she teased.

It was damn amazing that his smile still managed to be radiant even when he was so subdued, but there it was. "Might as well use you as my own personal departmental shrink?"

"If you want to look at it that way." She decided to give him a lead in and popped open another beer, carrying it to the couch with her. It wasn't surprising when she felt the other end of the couch sink under his weight. "So what's going on?"

"Work blends into personal, things get complicated."

"Care to elaborate?" Angell questioned.

That heartbroken look was back in his eyes when he spoke. "Never get involved with someone you work with Jess."

The raw pain in his voice scraped at her soul, and if it was that bad for her she couldn't imagine how he must feel. "I didn't know you were involved with anyone, Don."

"Involved would be the loose term. The more accurate term would be something like fuck buddies," Flack told her bitterly.

"I… wow."

"Yeah."

Now she was at a complete loss for words. Despite the tough exterior he tried to pass off on people, Don Flack was a really and truly good guy. He'd gotten over the youthful tendency of sleeping around somewhere near a decade ago, and since then he had been the model of discretion. The man had monogamous relationships, rarely slept with a woman on the first date, and had confessed to a very select few that he really wanted to settle down and have a family one day. Don Flack was nobody's fuck buddy; or so she had thought.

"Now you're wondering how I got myself into something like that," he commented.

"I can't help but be a little curious," Jess conceded, turning to face him and wrapping her arms around her knees where they were pulled flush to her chest. "It's not like you Don."

Flack tossed back the rest of his beer, rising briefly to grab another. When he returned he managed to start again. "It just happened one night, and after that I couldn't think of any other way to have her in my life."

"Stella," Angell whispered. "I should have known."

He looked so adorably puzzled that she almost laughed; almost. "How did you know?"

This time she did laugh, though there was little humor in it. "I'm a detective Don, I detect things. Far as I can tell you've wanted her as long as I've known you."

"All told I've wanted her longer. I didn't realize it was that obvious." He was frowning when he said it.

"Only if you're paying attention."

There was something else in her voice that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but he let it go. "I knew it was a stupid idea from the beginning, but like I said, I couldn't see another way. I was dumb enough to let myself fall in love with her, and I was dumb enough to tell her."

Jess nodded, suddenly getting it. "So that's what happened today? You told her how you felt and she doesn't feel the same?"

"Honestly Jess, I don't know. All I can tell you is that I got shot down, and I hit the ground hard." That much was clear by the look on his face. "I'm pretty sure the relationship is over, though it was more of a non-relationship I guess."

"Flack, are you honestly just going to let this go?" she questioned. "That's not the you that I know."

Don shook his head hard. "It's not, but she made it pretty damn clear exactly what she wanted, and it ain't me."

"I have a really hard time believing that Don."

His eyes went just a bit hard and he laughed humorlessly. "Believe it."

It was late when Angell made it home, though not as late as she had expected. Flack had refused to go into detail about what Stella had said to him, and while she couldn't blame him for not wanting to relive it, she was still worried. But that was no surprise, as she spent a great deal of time worrying over him.

As she sank into her bed, it struck Jess how truly amazing it was that she had held herself together all night. It had been difficult as hell over the past few years to watch her partner yearn for Stella Bonasera, and it had been difficult as hell to listen to him talk tonight; because the only thing worse than watching your partner's heart bleed as he waited for someone he may never have was feeling your own heart bleed for that same partner for the very same reason.

She wasn't sure how long she'd had feelings for Don Flack, but all things considered it had probably been for quite a long time. Their few dates hadn't gone anywhere, but considering the way she knew he felt about Stella that really shouldn't have surprised her as much as it did. She had been holding out hope for so long that there was something else between them other than flirting and playful banter, and she had been woefully disappointed.

As much as it hurt, she was forced to admit that Don really was in love with Stella, and that it was likely she was the only one for him. Still, she couldn't believe that Stella had shot him down so harshly; that just wasn't like her. For the second time that day, she found herself wondering what else was going on, and as she did she felt her anger rise. What right did Stella have to be so callous and cold as to put Flack in that state of mind? What the hell was so wrong with her that she couldn't see what was right in front of her?

She tossed and turned for hours before any kind of relief came in the form of fitful sleep, though it was hardly relief at all. The last thought she had before she drifted off was that no matter what Don would think about it, and despite the fact that it probably wasn't her place, she was going to find Stella Bonasera tomorrow and try to figure out what the hell her damage was.

Note From The Author—Don't hate me! I promise you that Stella really isn't an evil witch, but you'll have to keep reading to understand what's going on. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out, but for those of you who are preparing your pitchforks to come after me for demonizing Stella I swear it will get better.

PS—I'm forced to recognize the fact that her name is Jess, especially after Flack called her that like three times, so from this point on it'll be Jess. Changes have been made to this chapter


	2. Chapter 2

Note From The Author-- SO... I've been forced to recognize that Angell's name really is Jess after Flack using it like three times in the most recent episode. I've made the changes to the last chapter and I'll be calling her Jess for here on out; though I won't be taking the time to change every other story I've ever mentioned her in. Jess it is from now on : )

"I don't get you."

The caustic tone put Stella's back up immediately, and when she turned from her results she was rather amazed to see Jessica Angell standing there. "Excuse me?"

The younger woman had a thunderous look on her face as she shook her head. "I just don't get you."

"Okay Jess, I'm really lost here so I'm going to need you to expand for me."

All she said was, "Flack."

Stella's face fell immediately and she shook her head. "Let me finish up here and then we can talk in my office."

Jess felt the wind go out of her sails a bit as she made her way to Stella's office; but in the fifteen minutes that she had to wait she managed to get her mad up again just fine.

When Stella came in she sank into her chair with an exhausted sigh. "I don't know why I should be surprised that Don talked to you."

"He's my best friend, of course he told me."

"Jess, it's not as simple as you think it is."

Angell couldn't seem to get herself to sit down; she was too tightly wound for that to happen. "Don't be nice to me," she spat out. "Not after what he told me."

"Okay," Stella said, deciding to tread carefully. "You obviously came here with something to say, so why don't you say it?"

She had wanted to be calm, but nothing could keep her there. Before she knew it she had lost it. "I just, I don't get why…, no, I really don't get how. How the hell can you just walk away from him? You've got this amazing beautiful man standing right in front of you; he's right there and he loves you with everything he has and you just rejected him out of hand!"

"It's complicated Angell," Stella said tightly.

"Complicated better not even be the half of it." She slammed her hands down on the desk. "Do you have any idea what you turned him into? How it must have been killing him feeling like he was disrespecting you because it was nothing but sex? You know as well as I do that he had more respect for women that anyone on the planet, and you turned him into… God I don't even know what you turned him into." She turned away only because she wasn't sure she could control herself.

Stella was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "How long have you been in love with him?"

Jess whirled back around. "We're not talking about me."

"Except we are." Stella stood and walked around the desk. "Because the fact that you're in love with him is a lot of what brought you here today. So how long?"

She looked the other woman straight in the eye. "Not as long as you."

Both women seemed to deflate a bit at the words, and they both quietly moved to their seats. "I don't understand why you're here Jess," Stella said, rubbing at the pain that had suddenly risen in her temples.

"Because I pay attention, Stella; it's easy to tell when someone's experiencing the same feelings and emotions that you are. That's why I really can't comprehend how easily you can walk away from him."

Stella leaned forward, shaking her head. "Nobody ever said it was easy for me. What I don't get is why you came here. Why not be his shoulder to cry on and be there for the rebound?" she asked.

"Cynical?" Angell questioned.

"Logical."

Jess took a moment, trying to think of the best way to say it. She decided that being straightforward was best, and there were tears shining in her eyes when she finally spoke again. "Because he doesn't want me, Stella; I'm smart enough to know that. It doesn't matter how I feel about him, because he loves you, and unless I'm completely off you love him too."

"I wish it were that simple," she whispered.

"Maybe you should stop to consider the fact that the only reason it isn't simple is because you've made it that way."

They were staring each other in the aftermath of that statement when there was a knock on the door. Adam could see that he was interrupting something but he really needed to give his results to Stella. "I'm sorry to interrupt…"

Jess shook her head, standing as quickly as she could. "It's fine, Adam; I'm leaving." And she did so, without even a second look back at Stella.

"What have you got?" she sighed.

Adam was only with Stella for a few minutes. When he left the office he found Angell still waiting for the elevator and something about the look on her face made him stop. "You okay Jess?" he questioned.

Angell turned to look at him, showing him the tears still shining in her eyes. "Not really," but she managed a small smile. "Eventually I think I will be."

"Well if you need anything…" It was a big risk for him, huge actually, but he reached out to take her hand. "You know I'm here."

She gave his hand a little squeeze before letting go and stepping into the elevator. "Thank you Adam."

No matter what she tried, Stella found that she couldn't shut her mind down. They solved the case they had been working on. She finished all of her paperwork, but still her mind kept turning to Don. Angell's visit had left her doubting the choices she had made about their non relationship. More than anything at that point she wished for something, anything to preoccupy her time.

Her relief at the call that came in was short-lived when she arrived at the scene to find Flack running things down for Lindsay and Danny. It quickly became evident that they were going to pretend the other didn't exist to the best of their ability; and it turned out they both did a spectacular job of it. They did such a spectacular job of it that it left Danny and Lindsay both wondering what in the hell was going on.

When they were finished up at the scene, Don told everyone he would meet up with them at the lab after a few hours, and then he took off as quickly as was humanly possible. Ignoring the questioning glances, Stella simply picked up her things and headed for the car. She felt completely miserable about everything that was going on, and her conversation with Angell had been playing on a loop in her head ever since she had arrived at the scene. What made it worse was the ache that had broken out in her chest when she'd arrived at the scene and Don had turned to see her; the look in his eyes had been absolutely heartbreaking, and as much as she'd been questioning herself, that look and the pain she couldn't seem to suppress told her everything she needed to know.

As she drove back to the lab she knew she had to talk to Don. She found she could still stand by her decision to break off the intimate side of their relationship, but she knew then that pushing him out of her life entirely had been the last thing she should have done. It wasn't hard to decide to get him cornered when he came to the lab; because she had realized that she couldn't stand it if Flack wasn't in her world at all.

Don didn't make it back to the lab for a good three or four hours, but when he did make it back he went immediately for the coffee. Then it would potentially be easier to get him to actually talk to her.

She couldn't help but notice that he looked completely wrecked, and she felt that ache come back when she realized she had a large part in making him that way. "Can we not even try and be friends, Don?" she asked quietly.

"I certainly can't see a way," he told her, turning to face her.

"Don, I…"

"You don't have to say anything else Stella; you made your feelings pretty damn clear the other night."

She could have dealt with it if he were angry or upset, but the cold indifference in his voice pretty much terrified her. He started past her and her hand shot out to catch his arm before she could stop herself. "What if I was wrong?" she asked.

Flack's eyes went dark, but he was careful to be gentle when he shook off her hand. "The things that came out of your mouth, Stella, those weren't anything frivolous. All of that was heavy and hurtful, because telling someone that they were basically nothing more than a good fuck isn't something that someone normally takes lightly. It's also not anything you can take back."

He was halfway through the door when she spoke again. "I'm so sorry Don."

There were tears in her voice, and when he turned again he saw them in her eyes. He wondered at just how hardened he could become when he realized he was having a very hard time caring. "Bottom line? I didn't like who I was when I was with you, Stella. I knew it wasn't me, but I had you in my life and I figured it was worth it. But feeling like shit every second that I wasn't with you… Maybe you made the best choice for both of us."

He walked away, she feared, for good; and it took everything she had not to break down right then and there. Still, she made it through the rest of the day. When the shift ended it was a fight to keep the tears stinging at her eyes at bay. The radio went off as everything it played only made it worse.

Stella made it past the door man and upstairs without issue; she managed to survive a conversation with her elderly neighbor without falling to pieces, as well. But the minute she shut and locked the door behind her, she lost control. Tears she could no longer hold back couldn't be stopped, and she let her things drop to the floor. Weakness flooded over her, and all she could do was slide to the floor as her body was wracked with sobs.

Note From The Author—Okay, so I kind of, sort of, maybe lied the teeniest bit. All isn't really explained this chapter, but I do think you start to get more of a feel for what's going on. You still don't have the full insight into Stella's head, and there's definitely more angst on the way, but I can tell you that I'm really fascinated with the way my brain's taking me. I read something by one of my absolute favorite authors recently, and she firmly believes in letting the story go where your mind takes you. I'm giving her method a try, and I've got to say it's really interesting not to hold back or edit the ideas that pop into my head. I'm really trying to just go where my heart takes me with this one, wherever it may be, so we'll see how it goes. I'm excited, and I genuinely hope that you're excited too. : )


	3. Chapter 3

Note From The Author—Okay, so here we go with some explanation of Stella's motivations and thoughts. I hope this makes some of you concerned readers feel a bit better about her, but I really can't guarantee anything until it all comes together. Still, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

It had been just over a month since the last time he'd been with Stella; a month since he'd held her, a month since he'd kissed her. At this point Flack was honestly just happy that he hadn't lost his mind. He'd hardly stopped thinking of Stella for a moment of that time, but he had still refused to talk to her about what had happened between them. There was a large part of him that knew he was probably being an unfeeling, stubborn jackass, but he was still licking at his wounded pride.

On top of all that, he was still in love with her, but what she had told him a month before was still playing on some sort of sadistic loop in his head. She had said not too long after that she had been too harsh and that she wanted to be friends, but he knew there was no way in hell he could handle that; at least not at that point. Don knew it was selfish, but if she was going to be in his life he wanted all of her. That didn't seem likely to happen any time in the near future, so he had decided that the best way to handle things was for the two of them to be work colleagues and nothing more. Too bad he was still so damn miserable.

And it was really too bad that he couldn't see just how miserable Stella was. In the month or so since she had so ruthlessly kicked Don to the curb, she'd been feeling little but regret. Her feelings for him certainly hadn't gone away, but she was still steadfastly clinging to the delusional notion that she was right to have ended their intimate relationship. What frightened her was that her grip on that notion was very rapidly starting to slip. She missed her lover and her friend, and it sent a stab of pain into her heart every time she realized that she missed the man she could no longer ignore her love for.

Stella and Flack had spent a month essentially ignoring each others' existence unless they absolutely had to deal with each other on a case, and it seemed perfectly clear to her that Don still had absolutely no intention of coming back into her life. In the meantime, life for the team had become very interesting, to say the least.

Their rift hadn't affected the lab or station's work to that point, but the atmosphere was undeniably changed. Problem was that pretty much nobody knew the whole story and those who did weren't talking; so nobody knew quite what to do. Everyone was trying to be a friend to both Don and Stella while treading on eggshells for fear of bringing the same look of devastation to one party's eye when the other was mentioned. They were all getting to be exhausted by the routine, and they were all getting worried about Stella and Flack.

Mac finally decided that enough was enough. When Stella returned to her office from the field one day, he made his way to her office.

When Stella looked up from her work at the sound of the door, Mac was pained to see that her smile still didn't reach her eyes. "You look like you could use some sleep," he commented.

That made her laugh, and she shook her head. "Wow Mac, you sure know what to day to make a girl feel pretty."

"I'm serious, Stella," he told her as he took a seat. "What's going on with you?"

Her half smile faltered then, and as she looked across her desk into worried blue eyes she knew it was time to talk. "I screwed up, Mac. I ruined a friendship and I can't fix it."

The pain in her voice was palpable, and it was pretty clear that they were getting to the difficult stuff. "I take it we're talking about Flack?" he ventured.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Stella what happened? The two of you were such good friends and now you can barely look at each other."

She dropped her head to her hands, taking a deep breath before she pushed those same hands trough her hair with frustration evident in every molecule of her body. "Don and I were sleeping together."

Mac couldn't help it, his eyes widened. "Okay," he said carefully.

"I know!" Stella threw her hands in the air. "We never should have gone there, but we did. It had been going on for a while when I broke it off."

"Why?" he asked. "Of course you don't have to answer me, but considering how you're feeling now I'm a bit confused."

Stella shook her head almost violently. "It's all so complicated and so tangled up in my head, Mac. I thought I was right at the time but now I've been wondering."

"Because you're in love with him."

She really shouldn't have been shocked. "You know me just a bit too well," she whispered."

"You're my best friend, Stella, it's my job to know you that well; and I know you well enough to see that you're in love with him. I also know you well enough to know that it isn't like you to just get rid of someone who's in your life."

Her hands pressed to the table, and when she realized they were shaking she clenched them into fists. "I thought I knew what I was doing, I thought walking away from him was the best thing to do."

"And now you're not sure?" Mac asked.

"Not sure at all."

He leaned back in his chair, trying to convey his willingness to listen. "So what made you decide that it was best to walk away?"

"A lot of things," Stella sighed. "For one thing there's the age difference; I'm over ten years older than him. I started thinking about it, and I started wondering how the hell it could ever work. I've been through so much more than him, and he deserves somebody who…" She broke off. "Someone his own age."

Mac certainly had his reservations on that statement, but he kept them quiet for the time being. "And?"

"And plenty! We work together, we still get into knock down drag out fights, I'm jaded, he's naïve; there are a million reasons."

"Okay, this is the part where I stick my nose into things." He leaned forward in the chair, counting off his points. "One, we both know that Flack doesn't give a damn about how old you are. Two, you two don't work in the same building and I highly doubt that a relationship would be a problem; I'm the boss and I don't have a problem with it. Third, I won't debate that you've seen a great deal, but you certainly aren't jaded, and we both know that the last thing anyone would call Flack is naïve. So what else is going on here?"

Stella's entire body seemed to slump, and when her eyes met Mac's they were shining with unshed tears. "The thing is, Angell…? She feels the same way about Don that I do."

It was as if someone had flipped the switch, and though he certainly didn't understand the logic, Mac suddenly understood what had tipped Stella over the edge. "Stella, please don't tell me that you broke it off with Flack because you thought he'd be happier with Jessica than he would with you."

"She loves him; she loves him so much, and I just…"

"Stella you know that Don is in love with you, what on earth would make you think he would just forget you?"

She sprang to her feet, unable to keep still any longer. Tears were coursing down her cheeks as she spoke. "I'm damaged goods, Mac. There are still days that I have a hard time facing the world, and still times that I can feel the pain as if I were back there that night. I don't know… I don't know how to do this, to be in love with someone, to be with someone."

"Stella…"

"Don't, Mac. You can tell me that I'm wrong and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me, but I feel it." Her hand pressed against her heart as she shook with the tears. "I could feel myself falling in love with him, and I didn't know what to do. How could I let our relationship keep going, knowing how I am? How could I stay with him knowing that he would have to live with that, live with me and all of these issues I can't seem to get rid of?"

He stood and crossed to her, taking her arms firmly in his hands to hold her still. "Listen to me Stella, I know it isn't what you want to hear, but you are not damaged goods. You went through something horrible, but it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. Nobody would expect you to survive unscathed, and Don loves you for who you are, and everything you've been through."

Mac was right, it wasn't what she wanted to hear, and she certainly had a hard time believing it, even coming from her best friend. She pulled away from him, turning and wrapping her arms around her body. "I know, he told me that he loved me the night I cut him loose."

"Stella."

"I know," she said miserably, tears falling faster. "I know how horrible it is, and I can't believe that I treated him that way. But I panicked, and I didn't know what else… God!" She faltered as a stab of pain went through her.

He was in front of her again in a second. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Stella nodded. "It's been happening all day, but it's nothing I can't handle." There was a knock on the door, and when she saw Angell standing there she furiously wiped the tears from her eyes. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry, I'm obviously interrupting, but this really can't wait," Jess told her, regret in her eyes.

Mac nodded to Stella. "Go, Stella, but think about this."

"I will."

He watched as the two women walked out together, noting the tension that seemed to resonate between the two of them. Still there was evidently nothing he could do to convince Stella she was wrong. All he could do was hope that something of what he said would sink in.

In the elevator, Stella and Angell stood in a tense silence. It was the former who finally broke the moratorium on speech. "Where are we going?"

"Our vic's brother just turned up in Midtown. He says he knows who killed her and he's afraid he's next."

Stella shook her head. "Well that seems a bit suspicious considering that as far as we know he was the last person to see his sister alive."

"My thoughts exactly; so I figure we go out there, see what he has to say. Then arrest his ass." She stopped when she heard Stella's hissed intake of breath. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Fine, let's just get out of here.

The car ride was just as silent as the trip in the elevator had been. Angell and Stella had spoken little more than Stella and Flack since the day of their discussion, so the silence wasn't anything new.

They found their vic's brother to be just as slimy as they had assumed, and he seemed just as guilty as they both felt he was. Despite their beliefs, they had nothing but circumstantial evidence, and therefore nothing to charge him with. So, feeling frustrated and more than a little bit pissed, they headed out of his apartment and back down onto the street.

The car was parked over a block away, and as they walked Stella pulled out her phone to call in an update. "Danny? Yeah, we've got nothing." She paused as he spoke. "Doesn't matter what we think here, he's looking squeaky clean. Yeah…"

Jess barely had a second to react. She heard Stella's cry of pain, heard the phone clatter to the ground, and turned to find her laid out on the pavement. "Stella?" She fell to her knees next to her. "Come on Stella."

Danny's voice was ringing loudly from the phone, and Angell fumbled to put it to her ear. "What the hell's going on?" he questioned.

"Damn it; get a bus out here Danny."

"Jess what..?"

"Just do it Danny! Now!"

Note From The Author—Okay, I know, me and the cliff hangers; I epic fail. Still, I will tell you that my muse, if you prefer that term, is completely and totally in the driver's seat here. I've known for a while where this is going and mostly I'm just praying that it doesn't crash and burn. We'll see. Also, I know that the whole Stella damaged after her Frankie incident has been done to death, but I firmly believe that she's been left with some serious scars, and that they have the potential to come up still.


	4. Chapter 4

Flack wasn't a fan of country music, but he knew that one particular crooner had been right when he said 'I'm much too young to feel this damn old.' He was definitely too young to feel so damn old, and as his day finally came to a close he let out a long suffering sigh.

First there had been the suspect who if he hadn't been a complete ass hole wouldn't have had any personality at all. Then there had been Danny, who had plopped down at his desk, proclaimed that he looked like shit, and pressed him about what the hell was going on with him and Stella. Flack had given him a general overview, punctuating the fact that he really didn't want to talk about it. Evidently it had been sufficient because Messer had taken off, leaving Don with a sky high pile of paperwork and his own damning thoughts.

He was getting ready to leave when the phone rang again; and when he saw Danny's number he cursed silently before flipping the phone open. "I thought I told you to leave me alone on this."

"Damn it, Don just listen to me. I was on the phone with Stella and the next thing I know she's yelling like she's being ripped in half and Angell's telling me to get a bus out there."

Don stood quickly, forgoing his suit jacket and grabbing his keys as fast as he could. "What the hell happened?" he questioned, heading out the door before he could stop to consider his automatic reaction to the news.

"I'm trying to tell you I don't know!" Just get your ass to the hospital and I'll do my best to meet you there."

Flack was in his car in moments, but it was only when he stopped to think clearly that he realized he was still willing to drop everything to run to her side, even after everything that had happened. "Damn it," he cursed, resisting a ridiculous urge to punch the dashboard. "God damn it."

When he reached the hospital he parked and sprinted into the building. It took him a minute but he found Angell and Mac in a waiting room. "Where is everyone?" he questioned.

Mac shook his head. "There are still cases, but they'll get here when they can."

"But Danny's here," Angell told him. "He's parking my car. I left it in the fire lane."

Flack sank into a chair. "What happened?" he asked.

Angell and Mac shared a concerned glance before she decided it would be best coming from her. "She's been admitted. They think it may be an ectopic pregnancy."

His head shot up immediately at the word pregnancy. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that what she thought was normal was anything but," Mac sighed, sitting down next to the Detective. "They think that rather than ending up where it should have an egg implanted somewhere else, in simple terms. It's a serious problem, and one that could potentially be life-threatening depending on the circumstances."

Don shook his head, speaking more to himself than the others. "I don't understand any of this." He looked back up. "What are they doing for her?"

"There are tests," Jess told him.

"You should be with her for them," Mac added.

His head was reeling from all the information that was being thrown at him; a pregnancy, Stella's life potentially in danger. Still, he shook his head. "She wouldn't want me there."

"Yes she would, Don," Angell said quietly.

"Jess, you know exactly what happened…"

She nodded. "I do, and trust me when I say that she would want you with her. She loves you."

How could he believe her, after everything that had gone down? "No she doesn't," he said sadly.

"God damn it, Don, listen to me!" Jess cried, drawing the attention of the nurses and others waiting. She stalked over to where he was sitting, using the fact that she could stand over him to her advantage. "She loves you, she wants you, and she just doesn't know how to say it."

"Jess…" Danny's voice came from behind her, wanting to alert her that she was causing a scene.

"Shut up Messer." She turned her attention back to Don and her voice went deadly quiet as she spoke. "Stella is back there right now, and she's in pain, and she's probably scared half to death. What she wants and needs right now is to have someone she loves with her. Now her best friend is here, but she would much rather have the man she loves pull his head out of his ass and go back there to hold her hand!"

"How the hell do you know all of this?" he asked angrily.

She shook her head. "You're being a damned idiot Don, but this isn't about me."

"How Jess?"

Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes and she couldn't seem to hold back. "For one, she told me. For two, it's really easy to know what someone's feeling when you're feeling exactly the same way! Damn it Don you just never saw me standing there waiting for you!"

As she covered her face with her hands the light began to glimmer and he felt his heart break a little bit. "Jess…"

Danny just shook his head, stepping up to wrap an arm around the shaking Detective. "Let's get you out of here."

He almost had her to the door when Adam burst in. "What's going on? I got here as soon as I could. Is Stella okay? And what's happening here?" he asked, the questions coming rapid fire.

"I'm just going to get her home; the last place she wants to be right now is here."

"I'll take her," Adam volunteered.

Angell shook her head, coming back to herself a bit. "No, you came to see Stella."

He nodded. "Yeah, but I doubt they're going to be able to tell us anything anytime soon. I want to Jess."

"Okay," she said with a nod. "Thank you Danny."

"No problem." He bent to kiss her cheek. "Take care of yourself."

"I'll make sure she does," Adam piped up; and they were off.

When Danny made it back to the waiting room it was to find Flack still looking completely shell shocked. "Jess went home with Adam."

"I can't believe I didn't see it," Flack said quietly.

Mac patted the younger man's shoulder. "Women tend to be more perceptive than men. Us, we fall in love and that one woman is all we can see. It would have been hard for you to pick up on it; we're dense creatures."

"I must have hurt her so badly, talking about Stella the way I did."

Danny nodded. "Probably, and that's something the two of you will have to deal with eventually; but for now you need to go be with Stella."

Don looked over at Mac, the only person Stella would have confided in. "She going to want me back there?"

He nodded. "She'll want you in there."

"Then I'm going to be there." He stood slowly, wiping his sweating palms against the soft fabric of his pants. "Shit, I'm scared to death."

"Think how she must feel," Danny told him.

It was the last encouragement he needed and he headed for the nurses' station. After he told the sunny blonde nurse who he was looking for she looked up with a smile. "And you're Ms. Bonasera's…?"

He sighed a bit, mostly because he couldn't help it. "That's where it gets a bit complicated. For today's purposes I'll just say that I'm one half of the genetics contributing to the pregnancy that seems to have gone completely wrong."

Sympathy shone in the young woman's eyes as she nodded. "Okay, someone will take you back."

As Flack followed another cheery young nurse down the hall he felt his heart start to pound. He remembered the last time he'd been in a hospital room with Stella and thought about everything that was going on now, and he hated that he had any part in her pain. When the nurse ushered him through the door and he saw Stella laying there looking scared and vulnerable, every emotion in the book flooded him.

"Don?" she asked quietly.

He looked over at her and the question in her eyes made him realize he'd been zoning out. Cautiously, he took a seat by the bed. "I wasn't sure what to do at first, but Mac and Jess said you would want me here."

She nodded. "I do." Tears welled up in her eyes as they met his. "Don, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, one thing at a time," he said gently. "We'll talk later about everything else. For now let's just get you through this." Then, for the first time in over a month, he reached out and touched her, lacing their fingers together.

For a moment they just watched each other, and both noted the fear in each others' eyes. Then the quiet became too much and Stella finally spoke again, her voice breaking as she did. "I missed you."

He felt relief rush through him and he squeezed her hand. "I missed you too."

Before they could say any more her doctor came in. He was a young guy, probably only a bit older than Don, but his countenance was disconcertedly grave when he spoke. "We're going to take you for testing now. We'll get the results back as quick as possible and hopefully we'll be able to decide on a course of action within the next few hours."

"Can I stay with her?" Flack asked,

Dr. Carr looked over at the pair of them and the way they clung tightly to each others' hands and he nodded. "No, that won't be a problem."

"Let's get this going then," Stella said, her voice just a bit shaky.

The doctor admired her will as he ushered in the nurse. "Alright then."

They did a simple pregnancy test first, then some sort of test called an hCG. Flack had no idea what the second meant; but when the first test came back positive and the levels from the second were abnormal he began to feel as if someone had dropped lead on his chest. They ended up in another room, finding it all set up for an ultrasound. As the tech got started Stella's eyes squeezed closed and she turned her head away.

"You doing okay?" Don asked.

She honestly didn't know. "This isn't the way it's supposed to go," she said sadly.

"I know."

Her eyes opened again, and once again he saw tears there, and he knew that she'd been shedding far too many lately. "How did I ever manage to so thoroughly screw this up?" she questioned.

"Hey." He leaned forward, squeezing her hand as he drew himself closer. "This wasn't a one sided deal. I'm the one who wouldn't listen when you tried to talk to me."

She shook her head. "Why should you have talked to me? I was horrible."

The tech interrupted them before the conversation could go any further. "I'm done here. Do you want…?"

"No." Stella didn't even let him finish. "I'll just wait to hear it from the doctor. I already know…No."

He nodded. "Okay, I'll call the nurse, we'll get you back to the room and Doctor Carr will be in after I speak with him."

When he left them alone Don turned back to Stella, and when their eyes met this time it was he who was left dealing with tears. "I'm sorry Stell, for being a part of putting you through this."

"How could you have known?" she asked. "I didn't even know I was pregnant," she whispered. "How the hell did I not know?"

He shook his head. "It happens, Stell. With everything going on in your life it's understandable. The doctor said that the symptoms don't seem like anything out of the ordinary."

"They always say that women know; that they somehow just know. I guess that just goes to prove that I really am just completely ruined."

Her eyes fell closed again and as silence settled in around them Flack couldn't help but wonder about what Stella had just said. He couldn't believe it hadn't occurred to him that her past could have played a part in everything that had gone down. After learning what she was feeling in that moment though, he realized that there was no way it didn't play a part in everything.

But he was going to hold to what he had said earlier. What he cared most about in that moment was making her better; making the pain stop and wiping that look of fear and self-loathing from her eyes was the only important thing left. And if that meant pushing aside all the hurt he'd been feeling for the past month, then so be it.

"We'll figure this out Stell," he said quietly.

He barely heard her whispered reply. "I hope you're right."

Note From The Author-- Okay, so I went for the more obvious ailment here. My medical knowledge is limited to the internet and TV so I had to go with something fairly simple but still serious; I hope y'all are okay with that. I simply didn't have time to do research on anything else, plus I like the impact of this. Still angsty, but not nearly close to the level of last chapter. Adam and Angell will be back next time, plus I promise you, you'll finally get Stella and Don's long awaited and mostly likely incredibly difficult conversation. Thanks for sticking with me :)


	5. Chapter 5

Note From The Author—Please forgive any mistakes, I just looked at the clock and realized with like a paragraph to go I had to leave work in five minutes so I didn't have time to read this one over. Sorry I didn't post over the weekend, it got a little crazy, but at least a new chapter is here now. More angst, but finally with hope and, say a hallelujah with me, a teeny weeny bit of romance. I hope you enjoy, and thank you to my own personal Fanfic Dr. Phil, you know who you are ; ), for sharing insights on our favorite couple which only enhanced what I had to say in this chapter. Enjoy enjoy.

After they left the hospital, Adam and Jess's ride was relatively quiet. She spoke long enough to tell him her address and then they fell into a somewhat tense silence, neither of them really knowing what to say. It wasn't too long of a ride, and when Adam parked in front of her building they both sat there for a moment.

Angell felt vulnerable and hurt, and the last thing she wanted was to be alone. So as she steeled herself to open up she hoped his offer still stood. "I could really use a friend right now Adam."

"Well then you're in luck, because you happen to have one sitting right here."

She managed a bit of a smile, and they both climbed out of the car. The silence carried over as they made their way inside and up to her apartment. But after Angell shut and locked the door behind them and kicked off her shoes she finally spoke again. "I'm really not sure what to say," she admitted.

Adam's eyes were open and kind as they met hers, and he shook his head. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to Jess."

"Are you willing to listen if I do want to?"

"Of course."

She nodded. "Okay then. Let me change out of my work stuff and we'll talk. Help yourself to whatever you want."

Adam found himself looking around after she disappeared into her bedroom. He found a couple of Cokes and set them on the coffee table before doing a tour around the room, pausing in front of her family pictures with a smile. She looked different with them, softer somehow. In the pictures with her brothers and parents the wry sense of humor she sometimes used as a defense and the tough shell she'd developed to get through as a female cop seemed to melt away. She was open and loving, and the combination was absolutely stunning.

He spun when he heard her walk back in, fighting back a blush at having been caught admiring. He figured it best to just gloss over that. "You look a lot more comfortable."

"Yeah." She took a seat on the couch and popped the top on one of the sodas. "It's been a long day."

"So tell me about it," he urged, sitting down on the other side of the couch.

When she paused to collect her thoughts it occurred to her that their position wasn't at all unlike hers and Flack's over a month before, but she pushed that that thought ruthlessly away. "I really don't know where to start, though I guess the beginning is the most logical option."

"Probably," Adam granted with a smile, taking a sip from his own drink.

"So, I guess I start with the fact that I have no idea when I fell in love with Don." Adam, bless his heart, didn't say a word, just let her continue. "I'm guessing it started the minute I first laid eyes on him, but honestly it just hit me one day."

"It usually does."

Jess nodded. "I didn't freak out when I realized it, mostly because I figured that with the way we were always flirting there had to be something more than friendship there. We went on a couple of dates but nothing ever came of it. There were a couple of kisses that if I'm being completely honest were pretty much just awkward, but it isn't that easy to fall out of love with someone."

Adam shook his head. "No it isn't."

"So I was his best friend, I listened when he needed and I pretended that it didn't kill me every time he talked about another woman, but I did try to get over him. It just about killed me when I realized he was in love with Stella." He nodded and she knew she wasn't the only one who had seen it. "I tried to pretend at first that he was just infatuated but the last thing anyone can call me is stupid. I could see that he was in love with her."

"God that must have sucked."

It was so completely Adam that she couldn't help but laugh, even as she felt a few tears fall. "Yeah, it completely and totally sucked as a matter of fact. Anyway, you've noticed the way that Stella and Don have been around each other?"

He nodded. "Who didn't?"

Angell nodded. "You've got a point there. They were together in a way, and when he told her how he felt she basically dumped his ass as fast as she could. He was so hurt and I was so upset that she had this wonderful man I wanted so badly practically falling at her feet and she would just throw him away even though it's so painfully obvious that she loves him too."

"That's what' was going on that day I interrupted the two of you," he guessed. "You went to talk to her."

"I did. It didn't do me any good obviously, seeing how things have been between them."

Adam drained the last of his drink and set the can down on the table, thinking over his next question. "So what happened today?" he asked her.

Jess's eyes went dark with sadness, though she didn't realize it. "Stella collapsed after we left a suspect." She pushed her hands through her hair impatiently as she spoke. "God, Adam, you should have seen her. I was in the room with her when they told her they thought it may be an ectopic pregnancy and she just looked so scared, and I knew that the one thing she wanted was for Don to be there with her, so I had Danny call him."

"And…?

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "Mac and I were trying to convince him that she would want him in there with her and I just… I couldn't seem to take it anymore. I was just standing there yelling at him in the waiting room of a hospital." Even then she could hardly believe it. "I told him that Stella loved him and he just wouldn't believe me."

He couldn't help but interrupt. "You told him?"

She nodded. "One minute I was yelling about Stella and then the next I was yelling about me, and how he never saw me standing there waiting for him." She paused as the tears she couldn't hold back any longer fell from her eyes. "Don tried to say something but Danny just stopped him; he didn't want it to get any worse, and I'm grateful for that. It was then that we ran into you."

Adam could tell that she was completely drained, and that it had been that way for a long time. Still, after hearing it all, he knew that he couldn't just sit there with his mouth shut. Instead, he leaned forward to take his hand, watching as she focused her attention on their linked fingers rather than his face. "Want to hear what I think?"

"Sure," she said quietly.

"I won't say that Don's an idiot for not falling in love with you, because we all know that we can't choose who happens to be the one for us." Her fingers tightened convulsively around his at the words and he reached out to tip her chin up, meeting her eyes head on. "What I will say, is that, in my humble opinion, you're pretty kick ass. You're beautiful and talented, and one day some incredibly lucky bastard is going to realize that you're the one for him."

Angell was finding it difficult not to smile when he was around, and she was infinitely grateful for it. Leaning forward, she kissed his cheek. "Adam Ross you are a complete sweetheart, and a very good friend."

There was that damn blush again, but he shrugged it off. "Hey, anytime; if you need me just let me know."

Back at the hospital, it was getting late before Flack could give the others an update. When he walked into the waiting room the fatigue and fear that clearly weighed on him kept the others, a group which now included Lindsay and Hawkes along with Mac and Danny, from bombarding him with questions. Instead they waited as he took a seat and scrubbed his hands over his face with a sigh.

"All of the tests confirm that it's an ectopic pregnancy," he said quietly.

"Damn," Danny swore under his breath.

Lindsay shook her head. "I don't know a lot about it; what does that mean for Stella?"

"It means that it could be dangerous for Stell," Flack told her. "We talked to the doctor a couple of minutes ago. A lot of the medical stuff sailed right over my head, but the general gist is that she was born with a genetic defect, something that she never would have known without her parents."

"Abnormal tube structure?" Hawkes asked.

Flack nodded. "I think the words tubular anomaly came into it." He looked around at all of them, suppressing another sigh. "Bottom line is that with her age and the defect their only option is surgery, and they've got the OR booked in three hours; soonest they could manage. I'm not sure what the surgery entails and to be honest I don't really care. The doctor says Stella's healthy and we didn't catch it too late, so if everything goes well she should make a full recovery, but she'll be off her feet for a while. She got lucky though." The unspoken 'we all were' seemed to resonate through the room in the aftermath of his words.

"How is she?" Mac asked.

"Upset, scared out of her mind, about the usual I'm guessing." He stood. "They won't let anyone else back, but I'll keep on updating. There's not much any of us can do while we're waiting though."

Lindsay reached out to him, resting her hand gently on his arm. "As long as we can be, we'll all be out here. Just go be with her."

All he could manage was a nod as he turned and strode back away from them.

In her hospital bed, Stella's mind was turning over everything that had happened, not just in the past month but in the time since she and Don had started whatever it was they had. Whoever said falling in love was easy was a complete idiot. Falling in love with Flack had been completely terrifying, and insecurities had plagued her non-stop since she had realized it.

Her mind was pulled away from its damnable cycle when the very person she'd been contemplating stepped back into the room and sat next to the bed again. "They all want to stay."

Though she tried to hold them back, tears came flooding forward again at the reminder that there were so many people who loved her. "It means a lot that they do."

"We all love you Stell," he said quietly. "That's all that matters."

There it was; the opening to the conversation she'd been fighting not to start since he'd first walked into the room hours before. Wasn't it funny that now that she had three hours of waiting ahead of her that could be easily taken, she was absolutely terrified to bring it up? Still, "Don, I can't say enough how sorry I am."

"And I can't say enough that you don't have to be. Stell we managed to hurt each other pretty damn well; I guess I just want to know why," he said softly.

She hadn't imagined ever having this conversation with him, and if she had it certainly wouldn't have happened while she was propped up against the pillows in a hospital bed. "I made a mistake Don. I tried to tell myself that breaking it off with you was the best thing for both of us, and I ruined everything between us."

"Hey, I'm sitting here. You didn't ruin it; but why Stell? That's what I don't get. Jess and Mac kept telling me that you love me and that you want me here. If that's the case then why the hell did you say the things that you did?"

There was pain in his voice, raw and abrading and she closed her eyes against it. It was only when he said her name again and she heard the love that was somehow still in his voice that she opened her eyes to meet his. "I was terrified."

"Why?" he questioned.

Stella shook her head. "I don't know, not really. I had all these excuses, all these reasons in my head for why we were wrong for each other, and I was convincing myself that they were all right until I talked to Mac. He forced me to wake up and realize that I'd just been hiding behind them to keep myself from getting hurt."

He knew it was hard for her, and as much as he wanted to push, he knew it was likely he'd never get an answer if he did, so he just leaned forward to take her hand again. "I'm listening Stell."

"I'm so fucked up Don," she whispered brokenly.

"Stell."

She shook her head. "No, everyone always wants to tell me it isn't true, but it is. The things I've been through, I'm not sure I can ever completely heal after that, and I don't…" she broke off, brushing furiously at tears. "I don't know how to be any way but the way I am, I don't know how to be with you or deal with the fact that you love me even though I know in my heart that I'm completely broken. How could I let myself be with you, knowing that you would have that on your shoulders, making you deal with the fact that I can hardly function sometimes? And Angell…"

"What about her?"

"She's in love with you; and with her there, loving you so much and being so perfect for you how could I take that…?"

Flack caught on just as quickly as Mac had, and though he felt anger rising in him he knew he had to be gentle. Shaking his head, he squeezed her hand. "How is Jess perfect for me?" he asked. "Just because she's the same age as me doesn't mean she's perfect for me, Stell. She's not you."

"Don," she whispered.

"No," he told her. "You got to talk, and now you're going to listen to me." He shifted so he sat at her side on the hospital bed, framing her face with his hands so that she couldn't run away from him. "I wish to God that I had realized what was going on with Jess, because I would have done a lot of things differently, but not you; I wouldn't change being with you for anything."

Stella shook her head, but his gentle hands wouldn't let her look away, so she closed her eyes instead. "How can you say that? After what I said?"

"After what happened I was so angry and hurt, but I held on to those memories of what we had as tight as I could. I thought I may never get you back, but I knew that at least I had those memories. But right now I want you to open your eyes and look at me." She did, and she saw tears shining in the big blue eyes she loved so much. "You listen to me now; I love you, and that's never going to change. I love you for who you are and everything you've ever been through and everything you've done. I know that it's hard for you sometimes, and I couldn't care less, because it's just one more part of you. Jess isn't perfect for me, just for the simple fact that she's not you; and you, you Stella Bonasera, are the one that I love, and the one that I want. You."

By the time he went quiet there were tears falling unchecked from her eyes, and it took her a moment to catch her breath. "I don't know what to say to you," she told him.

Don shook his head. "All I need is the truth Stell. Forget everything that's been holding you back, and everything you've been scared of and just tell me the truth."

"I love you," she blurted out, everything coming in a rush. "I do love you, even though I wanted not to; I wanted you to have something better than me."

"Don't you get it?" he asked as he leaned forward. He stopped with his mouth a bare whisper from hers. "There isn't anything better than you."

She knew he had left that distance on purpose, and she knew it would be up to her if she wanted it to disappear. So with her heart pounding, she leaned into him, bringing their mouths together for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

They both expected it to be wild, to rage out of control after so long apart. Instead they found tenderness, and as Don's hands slid to the back of her neck and Stella's mirrored, they both felt themselves coming home.

He felt her flinch as a twinge of pain coursed through her, and they pulled apart, suddenly remembering where they were. "I know that this is terrifying, and I know that this wasn't what either of us planned, but I want you in my life Stell."

"Me too."

Flack felt his heartbeat stutter a bit when she said it, and he took a deep breath. "So I'm going to be here until they take you to surgery, and I'll be here when they bring you back, and when you wake up."

"And we'll go from there."


	6. Chapter 6

Note From The Author-- You'll have to bear with me a bit on this one, mostly as I haven't got a clue in hell how long this type of surgery would usually take and my research didn't turn it up. Either way, I want to let you all know that I always appreciate your feedback and your encouragement. Thanks for sticking with me.

They took Stella into surgery just after midnight. The time was a bit random, but considering the circumstances the doctor wanted her in as soon as possible, so midnight it was. After they wheeled her away Flack went out to sit with the others in the waiting room, knowing it would be better if he wasn't alone at that particular time.

"How was she?" Danny questioned when his friend sat down.

Flack shook his head. "As okay as could be expected. She's been in a lot of pain and obviously she's scared, but in typical Stella fashion she's soldiering through it. Like the doctor said, thankfully they caught it early enough that there shouldn't be any problems. Still…"

"You two work some things out?" Mac asked, trying to distract him from thinking of the ifs.

"Yeah, we did. I'm not gonna say at this point that everything's perfect, or that it will be anytime in the near future, but we both know how we feel."

Lindsay nodded. "And that's more than you had earlier."

After that they all went quiet, none of them sure that there was anything to be said until they knew the outcome of the surgery. But gradually the silence became too much, and everyone began to speak again. A couple of them posed questions to Flack, and about the sixth time he took someone's head off Mac sent the incredibly tense detective to get some coffee, or anything that would take him away from the situation momentarily.

As Don started out of the room Danny couldn't help but mutter to himself. "You'd think someone who just worked out that he and his woman are in love with each other would be in better humor."

"I heard that Messer, and shut the hell up," he tossed out just before walking out.

When he made it to the coffee machine Flack went through the motions, depositing change and pressing the button before he leaned his exhausted frame up against the wall. Everything in him logically knew that what the doctor had told him was probably true, and that Stella would more than likely come through just fine. Still, there was one little part of him that was absolutely terrified. Even the most routine of surgeries could go wrong, and the fact that she was in surgery for a condition that was life threatening all on its own didn't exactly put him at ease, no matter what the doctors told him. The more he thought about it, the more he felt his pulse start to pound, and he noted with some interest that he seemed to be shaking. Leaving the coffee in the machine, he sank to the floor.

"Flack are you okay? Is Stella okay?" Adam's voice was filled with worry.

Don looked up at the lab tech, shaking his head. "Stella's in surgery right now, and as far as I know she's fine. I'm just…" He took a deep breath. "I'm a little shaky."

Adam nodded, taking a seat next to the detective on the floor. "I can understand that." They were both quiet for a moment, lost in thought, but he finally spoke again. "Look, I hope you don't mind but Jess sort of filled me in on what's been going on. Not everything, I don't think, but enough."

"I royally screwed up with her, Ross," Flack told him.

He nodded. "Yeah, you probably did, but I'll tell you what I told her; you can't help who you fall in love with, and it's pretty obvious to me that you're in love with Stella. That makes it hard for Jess, but there's nothing about it that can be changed."

"You're a smart kid, Adam, and you're right, but that doesn't change the fact that I've hurt her."

"No, it doesn't, but I'm guessing that eventually, when she's ready, you'll be able to make amends."

Don sighed, pushing to his feet, watching as Ross did the same. "I hope you're right. How is she now?"

Adam shrugged. "She's upset, exhausted, and she's worried. She wanted to come down but considering the circumstances thought it might be better if she stayed put. I promised her I would let her know when we heard anything."

"You're a good friend." They both came to a stop just outside the waiting room, and Flack extended a hand for Adam to shake. "She's a good friend of mine, and I appreciate you being there for her after I was so stupid."

"She makes it easy," he told him, but shook his hand nonetheless.

They shared a quiet smile, and together they walked back into the room to live through the long wait with their friends and colleagues. And as it turned out, the long wait took them a good distance into the morning.

The doctor came to find them at nearly four in the morning, and the subdued smile on his face did a lot to alleviate Don's fears. "Everything okay Doc?" he asked.

Dr. Carr's smile grew the tiniest bit. "The surgery went well. It took us a bit longer than anticipated due to that anomaly we talked about, and we had a few moments that could definitely qualify as scares, but she's doing just fine. She'll be off her feet for a while, but I'm confidant enough to say that she'll make a full recovery."

It was as if a collective sigh of relief went through the room, and Don felt his heart lift higher than it had in a long time. "I promised her I'd be there when she wakes up."

"I know, and it won't be for a couple hours yet, but I'm certainly willing to let you wait it out in her room. The rest of you should be okay to see her later in the day."

The whole team knew they could feel at ease, and as Adam drifted off to call Angell, Mac told them all to go home and get some rest. Unfortunately they all had shifts to work, and though they had caught a few hours sleep here and there everyone was largely exhausted. As they trooped out they all said a few words to Flack, but he barely heard them. He just wanted to be in the room with Stella, and it seemed like an eternity before a nurse came to tell him that he could go back.

When he saw her, Flack knew he would be overcome with emotion. Though he had expected worry or fear, what he felt was relief. When he walked through the door and saw her lying there, he was so intensely relieved that he was amazed that his legs didn't give out. She looked peaceful and rested, which did worlds to soothe his frayed nerves; and as he took a seat next to the bed, he took a deep breath.

Don hadn't been able to sleep in the waiting room. While the others had been able to doze here and there he hadn't had any luck with his mind whirring and his heart racing. He was completely exhausted, and being able to see her there completely safe made the fatigue hit him like a truck. Though he would have liked to have made it until she woke, it wasn't too long before the weight of it all overtook him and he dropped off.

The next conscious thought he had was that his ass was asleep. When he woke up in a plastic hospital chair with his head leaning against the wall it wasn't difficult to understand why. Still, he couldn't suppress a groan when he shifted.

"Shouldn't I be the horribly uncomfortable one?" Stella asked.

He turned to look at her, thrilled when he saw alert green eyes looking back at him. "Well probably, but you know me, always making things difficult."

She smiled. "I think we both do a pretty good job of making things difficult actually."

"Have you talked to the doctor yet?" Don asked as he scooted closer to the bed.

"Yeah, he was in here a little bit ago. Looks like I'm going to make a full recovery, but I won't be able to do much for a little bit. Thankfully it won't take me off my feet too long."

It was so completely Stella, and he found himself grinning at her. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to take a bit of a break, even after the Doc gives you the go ahead."

Stella nodded solemnly. "It wouldn't kill me, but if I weren't working we both know I wouldn't be happy."

"I know." They both seemed to reach for each other simultaneously, and their fingers twined together easily. "It was a rough night. Even though I knew you would probably be perfectly fine, I was scared to death. Guess it really must be love."

He said it jokingly, but Stella's eyes filled with tears just the same. "I wasn't sure I'd ever hear you say that to me again."

"I wasn't sure I'd ever hear you say it at all. Do it for me now?"

"I love you," she said with a smile. "It's not nearly as hard to say as I always thought it would be."

It made him more than thrilled to hear her say it back, and he couldn't help but bend to kiss her softly. "When do we get to spring you out of here?" he asked when they pulled apart.

"Should be the day after tomorrow and definitely not soon enough for me. But it's the best they can do." She looked him over quickly, noting that he still looked completely wrecked. "You should go home, Don. Get some sleep in a real bed. I'm not going anywhere."

"Counting on that."

Flack leaned down to kiss her again, and after a quick goodbye he started for the door. It was only when he heard her voice again that he turned. "We've got a lot more to deal with haven't we?"

He nodded. "I think so, yeah, but that first step is always the one that's really a bitch, and we've taken it."

"Is it ridiculous that I'm glad all of this happened?" she asked sheepishly. "Well maybe not happy that this in particular…well you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do; and you're not ridiculous. I'm glad that something pushed us to take that first step and that we've at least worked out some of the basics."

Stella smiled. "There's still more to do, but I'm here for the long haul, Don."

"Me too Stell," he told her quietly.

The way he said her name still made her shiver, but she knew there was a lot of recovery, physical and emotional, to go before they would go there again. So she just smiled, and waved her hand at him. "Go, sleep. I'll see you later."

"See you."

It was only moments after he left that a nurse came in with a huge smile. "That's some man you've got there," she told Stella.

Her smile was subdued, but on the inside she was positively thrilled. "Yeah, he really is something isn't he?"


	7. Chapter 7

It wasn't terribly surprising to discover that there was no good way to apologize to one of your best friends for unwittingly breaking her heart. Flack had tried several times to talk to Jess in the week since the day of the bombshells and there just wasn't any decent opening. Still, he knew he couldn't let it be left the way it was now. He still hated that he hadn't seen the way she felt, and he couldn't stand that he was responsible for the hurt she was experiencing.

The day Stella was due to come home from the hospital, Don decided that he would have to corner Angell that day to get anything resolved. So when he spotted her heading into the station ahead of him he decided to take his chances.

Much to his surprise, Jess stopped at the door and turned to face him. "You want to talk," she sighed, and it wasn't a question.

"Yeah," he told her, tucking his hands into his pockets so he wouldn't do that busy playing with his hands thing Messer had laughingly mentioned years before. "Look Jess, if I had known…"

She shook her head. "You didn't, Don, and I didn't tell you for a reason; and don't tell me something would have happened if you had because we both know that would be a lie."

"Yeah, I know. But if I had some idea I wouldn't have confided in you so much about Stella; I can't even imagine how that felt for you."

"No, you probably can't," she told him with a frown, crossing her arms defensively. "But it was my choice not to tell you. I just kept hoping that if I was there, if you and Stella never happened, that maybe one day you would finally see me that way; but a part of me knew it would never happen."

Don shook his head. "I wish you would have said something."

She sighed. "Why? So you could have let me down easier? It was going to hurt either way, Don. So maybe it's better that it went this way, like ripping off a Band Aid, I guess."

"You're a good friend, Jess. I don't want to lose that."

"You won't," Angell told him with a sad smile. "You'll always be my friend, Don, but it's going to take some time for me to get to a place where we can deal with each other normally again."

He didn't really like it, but he knew it was what she needed. "I can respect that."

"Thank you."

She turned to head into the station and Flack found he had to add just one more thing. "Jess," he called out, and she turned. "Ross is a good guy. I'm glad you have him right now."

This time he got a real smile, subdued though it may have been. "Me too."

Though he didn't feel entirely thrilled about the way their discussion turned out, Flack hadn't really expected it to go smoothly; and mostly he was happy that they had at least spoken. Yet the longer he sat at his desk, filling out paperwork and making phone calls, the more his mind turned to Stella. As usual his impatience started to get the best of him, and he found himself counting the minutes until he could leave the station.

He was picking her up from the hospital at the end of his shift, and he had this insuppressible feeling that her coming home was one more step in the right direction for them. So when it was time for him to knock off, he all but bolted to the car, and when he got to the hospital he had to force himself to calm a bit. The last thing he wanted was to overwhelm her.

Stella was subdued all through the release process, and she barely said a word in the car. It worried him a bit, but Flack had learned that pushing her was the last thing he wanted to do. So he endured the silence, and when they pulled up to her apartment building he couldn't suppress a smile; and that smile only grew as he carried her bag upstairs.

When she slipped her key into the lock, Stella let out a contented sigh, but that turned into a surprised gasp when she walked in. There was a bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table, a stack of books and movies next to it, and a list of take out menus fanned out next to those.

"What…?" she questioned, turning to Flack.

"Linds knew that you would get bored being away from work. She wanted to welcome you home and make sure you would have plenty of distractions. Mac had your spare key so he helped too."

She ran a hand over the flowers, worrying a petal with her fingers. "It's so sweet."

There were tears in her eyes, and he set her bag down to go to her. "Stell what's wrong? Did something happen before we left the hospital?"

"Dr. Carr came to talk to me," she said quietly, sitting down in on of the chairs at the table. "He told me that I needed to know that if I ever get pregnant again, with the genetic abnormality, there's a very good chance this could happen again."

He sat in the chair next to her. "Stell…"

"Let me finish?" she questioned, and he nodded. "I never knew I wanted a baby until I was told that I wasn't going to have one. I didn't even know I was pregnant bit when I found out that I was, and that there wasn't going to be anything they could do it was like a little piece of my heart was ripped out. I didn't realize how much I wanted children, but I do Don; and I love you and I want to be with you, but what if I can never have a baby because of this accident of genetics? What if I can never give us a family?"

The raw pain in her voice and the way one hand unconsciously strayed to her stomach tore him apart, but he shook his head. "A family is what you make of it Stell. We'll do whatever it takes. If you want kids, we'll find a way to have them. I'm going to quote a movie I was forced to watch a million times. We'll adopt ten of them; we'll buy them if we have to. Anything."

She couldn't help but laugh, even through the tears. "I can't believe you've seen Steel Magnolias."

"That's the magic of sisters," he said wryly. He reached out to brush a piece of hair from her face. "I'm with you for the long haul; you're not getting rid of me. So if we decide we want kids, if you can't get pregnant again or if this happens again, we'll punt."

"How on earth did I get lucky enough to find you?" Stella whispered.

Don shook his head. "See that's the funny thing; from my way of thinking, I'm the one who's gotten ridiculously lucky enough to find someone like you."

"I suppose that's the way of the world," she said with a little smile. "You never realize what you've got until it's gone, and you never see things from another person's point of view."

"Exactly." He leaned forward to cup the back of her neck, gently pulling her towards him. "We're going to do this, Stell. It isn't going to be easy, but we're going to do it; and when we come to the big decisions we'll make them, but not before."

Stella nodded. "I'm slowly discovering that it doesn't do any good to wonder about the what ifs. Doing that almost lost you."

He grinned at her. "Nah, eventually I would have decided to pester you until you gave in."

It felt good to laugh again, and especially with him. Even so, she was still completely exhausted. "Stay the night?" she questioned.

"Of course," he told her, hiding the fact that his heart turned a couple of flips in his chest when she asked admirably well. "Anything you want."

It took a while to get settled. Stella was still healing, and it was a bit of a struggle to go through what many would consider the most basic of motions. But eventually they managed to make it to bed, and Stella found herself breathing a contented sigh as he wrapped his arms gently around her. "Thank you, Don, for everything."

"Here comes that conversation again," he told her. "Because I feel like I should thank you for letting me back in your life. We're just a backwards pair I guess."

She was starting to drift off, but she slipped one more comment in. "Forward is overrated anyway."

Note From The Author—So I'm sure some of you are noting the length of this chapter, and what you're thinking is coming really is coming. This is the last main chapter, but stay tuned for an epilogue. You know I can never leave things unresolved, and there will be a nice fluffy ending to satisfy us all.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been one year; or to be specific one year, six months, two weeks, three days, and about five hours. Since then she and Don had moved in together, they were doing well. But even after all that time had passed; there were times that fear was still strong in Stella's heart. This was most definitely one of those times. Six tests, six different tests, all with the same result.

With a shaking hand, she picked up her cell and dialed Flack's number. "Hey," she said quietly when he picked up. "You got a second to talk?"

"Yeah, I got a minute. What's going on?"

"I think, well actually I'm pretty sure… I'm pregnant."

The other line went completely silent, and the phone evidently clattered to the floor. She heard a rather creative string of expletives before his voice came through clearly again. "I'll be home in twenty minutes."

It made her smile. "Don, you're in the middle of a case, you don't need to rush back here. I called Dr. Carr's private practice, I have an appointment tomorrow."

"I'll be there."

The fact that she already knew that still kind of amazed her. "I thought you would."

When they hung up the phone Flack turned to find Danny staring at him. "You doing okay there?"

Don nodded. "Yes, maybe no. I don't know." He sank into a chair.

"Whoa man, what's going on?"

"Stella's pregnant," Flack said quietly, still not quite believing it.

For a moment Danny was confused, then it hit him, and he too dropped into a chair. "It could happen again, couldn't it?"

He scrubbed his hand over his face. "It could happen again."

"So what do you do?"

"She has an appointment tomorrow, and the doctor tells us whether or not we start looking at cribs or if we've got more devastation on our hands."

"Christ. Look Don, you know whatever you need, I'm here, right?"

Knowing it helped, and knowing he always had been and always would be helped even more. "Cover for me, on the case, maybe see if you can pull Angell in instead?"

"You got it man, just let me know how it goes."

The next morning Danny did as promised, and with the permission of the boss he went to Angell's to pull her in for the day; though he was praying she didn't hurt him for cutting into her time off.

Whatever he'd been expecting when he opened the door, it wasn't a half dressed Adam Ross. "Danny, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same question," he said with a grin.

Adam's cheeks flushed a bit, but he managed to work through it. "Really cute, Danny. And again I ask why you're here."

"I need Jess to step in on a case."

"Your funeral," he responded with a smile. "Jess, Danny's evidently looking to get his ass kicked," he called as he walked back into the apartment.

Danny's eyes narrowed as he watched Adam retreat to the bedroom and Jess come out in boxers and a button down. "What do you want Messer? And if you so much as think of saying something about Adam and I you'll lose a limb."

He held up his hands. "Wouldn't think of it. Don couldn't come in today, and I was wondering if you could step in."

Jess's eyes darkened with worry. "Is everything okay?"

"Stella's pregnant."

"Oh my God, it's happening again?"

"They don't know yet. She has an appointment today."

She nodded. "Okay; yeah, of course I'll help."

Danny smiled. "Okay, I'll wait out in the car. And for the record Jess, all I was going to say about you and Adam was congrats."

"Thanks Danny," she said quietly.

She was dressed in minutes, and she fit into the temporary void smoothly as soon as Messer filler her in on the case. Even so, they were both a little on edge as they waited for some kind of notice. It was only recently that Jess and Flack had really gotten comfortable with each other again, but she felt for him and Stella just as she had the day she'd rushed the CSI to the hospital. The best notice they got was a text message that said 'I'm at the lab', and both of them were eager to wrap up what they were working on and head back.

Both Angell and Danny were optimistic. If something was wrong Don probably wouldn't have been at the lab; but a text message still didn't say much. So when they parked at the lab they both all but bolted out of the car, into the building and then the elevator. Hearts were pounding and pulses racing when they rounded the corner and headed for Stella's office, but as soon as they caught sight of them there was no doubt as to the news.

Don and Stella were standing in her office, forehead to forehead, eyes locked together. There was a goofy smile on his face, a radiant smile on hers, and their hands were laced together over her stomach.

"Guess we know how that doctor's visit went," Danny said with a smile.

It was nice for Jess to be able to see them, to enjoy the scene without feeling that twinge. Granted it had taken her the better part of a year to get there, but in some ways it actually made it better. "Looks like it."

Rather than break the moment, they both backed off, deciding that they would talk to them later. As they did, Danny pulled out his phone to send another text; and the words 'have fun picking out a crib' pretty much said it all.

Note From The Author—This is the end folks. I'm not super thrilled about the ending, but with that fabulous image of Stella and Don in my head I couldn't seem to move to anything else, so it's going to have to do. I hope you've enjoyed it : )


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